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Jokes, Have a laugh

Ageless_ZA

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Lets get some funny jokes going...

All core rules apply so read em before you post. Then read them again just to make sure you read them right.

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night. The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half- century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover his 12 inch erection, and he was carrying ear plugs and a pair of nose plugs. Fearing her plan had gone amiss, she asked, 'What are those for?' The old man replied, 'There are just two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming... and the smell of burning rubber!'"
 

[email protected]

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Got caught out while sniffing my mate's sister's knickers yesterday.
Wouldn't have been so bad but she was still wearing them at the time.
He went f***ing ballistic! Made the rest of her funeral very awkward for both of us.
 

BuNNy

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Got caught out while sniffing my mate's sister's knickers yesterday.
Wouldn't have been so bad but she was still wearing them at the time.
He went f***ing ballistic! Made the rest of her funeral very awkward for both of us.

=O
 

LuMpY

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confucious say, man who fool around at wrong time of month get caught red handed
confucious say, man who stick weener in jar of peanutbutter is f****ing nuts!!
confucious say, man who live in glass house should change in basement
confucious say, woman who jump out plane upside down have crack up
confucious say, man who eat prunes get good run for money
confucious say, war doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left
confucious say, man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs
confucious say, support bacteria, it's the only culture some people have
confucious say, man that is stuck in pantry has his ass in jam
confucious say, man standing on toilet is high on pot
confucious say, secretary not permanent fixture until screwed on desk
confucious say, man that go to bed with itchy butt wake up with stinky fingers
confucious say, passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly
confucious say, virginity like bubble, one prick all gone
confucious say, foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ
confucious say, man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to bangkok
confucious say, elevators smell different to midgets

that took flipping long to type! u better appreciate it
 

Hooligan

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French man went to Ghana and met a prostitute….

She was a good pomp so he made a deal with her to be with him throughout his stay and pay her on the last day of his stay.
He paid her in dollars and she saw him off 2 the airport.
He came close to her said bye with a wicked smile whispered 'La Dollar la fake'!

She smiled back and also whispered, La koekie la aids
 

Systemtech

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that took flipping long to type! u better appreciate it
Those are brilliant, perfect way to start a tues.

So one night a bat flies into the cave and hangs himself up for the night, one of his mates around him asks "is that blood?". He replies, "no". "No that is blood", Soo there a whole group asking him what happened as his face was covered in it, "it was nothing, go back to bed". But they persist, until he finally gives in, he says "ok, follow me".

So the whole group flies out of the cave, and go on for a bit until they finally reach a rock and land.
So the bat says, "you guys see that tree over there".

They all reply...."Yes"





WELL GOOD FOR YOU, CAUSE I DIDN'T!!!
 

SilvRav

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ROFL!, nice one systemtech.
 

Reaper

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Juffrou vra klas: "Watse groente laat jou oë traan?"
Kosie: "Aartappel juffrou"
Juffrou: "Nee kosie die antwoord is uie"
Kosie: "ek kan sien juffrou was nog nooit met 'n aartappel in die eiers gegooi nie"
 

fredriguez

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I found a badass ****roach the other day in my room... Was just about to pick it up and throw it out my bedroom until it seemed to figure out what was going on. It then proceeded to start hurling all kinds of abuse it me, cussing like you won't believe, saying what it would do to me, and my family and going on and on saying the meanest **** you've ever heard... Next thing you know, it just spits on the floor and goes flying out the window...

Yip, there was a nasty bug going around that day
 

FaD3

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Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

lol
burgess237
 

FaD3

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A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

LOL
 

Ageless_ZA

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Yo momma's so fat, when she pings her feet, she gets 100% packet loss

:p
 

Ageless_ZA

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SOB Tool:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling
"Son of a *****" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the
next tool that you will need.

:p
 

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